DRESSED BY GOD BLOG
March 2023 The Fall of Kingdoms
I had planned something different....
I mean, I think we all have something different planned, and then God shows up. Stepping in to show us the way in which we should go.
I figured that I wouldn't be spending a dime on clothing for the rest of 2023.
But God intended to do something different.
His ways are higher and His thoughts are higher than the worldly thoughts spinning around in my self-assured mind.
It turns out this wasn't about saving money at all.
This was about total restoration and healing of the relationships that I had with money and spending.
So in order to experience something different, God needed me to experience something different.
Looking back now, it all makes perfect sense.
He needed me to see that there was a complete 180 around how I felt when I was shopping and the emotions that were tied up within those purchases.
He needed me to see that the motive of spending had changed.
Shortly after the sale, God told me how to use the money that came from the sale.
I knew He would, I just assumed it would look different.
He told me that a portion would be spent on a Spring update.
He gave me an amount, and He told me what to purchase.
Jumpsuits, jackets, sandals and slides.
He also assured me that He would make finding the items easy, and He did.
I relied on Him and Him alone for guidance.
Not my emotions.
"You are done adding to your wardrobe for now."
My heart was at peace hearing these words.
I felt as though I had successfully completed a task.
A feeling of obedience to His call had replaced the common feelings of guilt and shame that I had grown accustomed to.
Those were gone.
And, therefore, not attached to the clothing.
The enemy did try to bait me along the way. Especially knowing that there would be thousands of people reading this story.
The enemy told me that those reading along would judge me for spending anything at all on clothing. That I must not be healed because I spent.
That I should hide what I had done.
My hope in sharing this is so that you can build your discernment muscles.
Learning to hear what God shares in lovingkindness is a stark difference to the lies the enemy feeds us.
Where God says "Do you see how I have provided for you to do exactly what I am asking of you?"
The enemy says, "How could you show your face again? Look what you've done."
If you hear a voice saying something like the latter, I assure you, it is not from your Heavenly Father.
Terms laden with guilt and shame are not from Him.
That's not to say He doesn't correct us and get us back on course for His will. He just doesn't do it by making us feel worthless, dirty, or to remain hidden.
I hope that you when you read this, you begin to see how much He cares for you on your journey.
Hearing these words from God were exactly what I needed for what was to come.
He's always preparing us for what is to come.
Shaping our hearts and building us up.
Giving us confidence through exercising faith.
I should have seen that He was preparing me for something bigger.
That He was about to shift everything.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
"I am healing you."
It was during a 3 minute period of silence during Selah at church that I heard God speak these words.
There aren't words for what I felt in that moment, but I was crushed in the best of ways.
I felt how large God is and how He loves me enough to not see me struggle with what had been labeled as a chronic illness.
Those 3 minutes were filled with gratitude and healing.
It was in the Spring of 2012 when I was exposed to mold in production housing for a show I was working on. I was highly allergic to that mold.
I had gotten very ill and had to return home after 8 weeks of production. It's the only show set that I've ever left.
Though it wrecked my pride, after 8 months of treatment I was given the affirmation from my team of specialists that they hadn't expected me to live.
That the levels of mold toxicity in my system were not something a person could survive.
I was grateful that they waited until after the detox had been successful to tell me that.
But what stemmed from surviving the mold toxicity and the steroid treatment was less than what I would call complete healing.
My body was wrecked.
Over the course of the past 11 years my body had lost the ability to process 19 different categories of food.
There were 1,000's of foods I could not eat without either getting severely ill, or ending up in the hospital with anaphylaxis.
Needless to say, I cook A LOT.
There were also periods of time where I would have an inflamed chest wall, or get exposed to a whiff of something that was a high mold carrier and experience full left side paralysis or be otherwise non-verbal.
People carrying me out to my truck so that I could have medicine kind of stuff.
Calling my mom from a parking lot so that she could come sit with my daughter because I had become non-verbal, once again, and needed 45 minutes for the meds to fully kick in kind of stuff.
Asking my husband to stab me with an epipen because I was convulsing too bad to do it myself.
That kind of stuff.
Nothing more than attacks from the enemy to keep me both foggy and silent.
Over the past few years, a few of these symptoms had vanished. But the vast majority still remained.
"Jesus turned and saw her. 'Take heart, daughter,' he said, "your faith has healed you.' And the woman was healed at that moment."
"Your word of the year is Kingdom, but in order to live that out, your personal kingdoms had to fall first."
I was on the way to early morning prayer the Monday after receiving healing.
I knew that I was healed, but I had no idea what to do next.
I mean, do I just go grab a burger?
But the hard truth was that 11 years of building walls of protection had created quite a structure around every single aspect of my life.
A speck of cross contamination of gluten equalled an epipen injection and a trip to the hospital for hours of monitoring, meds and a week or two's regimen of step-down meds.
The walls had been rightly erected to keep me healthy.
And it didn't stopped there.
I am in direct consult to those in leadership in both health care and insurance on long-term mold toxicity. Areas regarding how to maintain optimal living conditions with managed and planned diet and exercise, so that plans could be developed to support those who suffered the same "newer" illness, that still has no name. "Chronic Illness Other" is a bucket term.
Achieving optimal health while in the midst of internal chaos is no easy feat. So building a system around it makes the most sense.
Oh how I started to look at these walls of protection and service differently over the past 2 weeks.
It's far too easy to build walls and control what goes on within those walls.
I was living in a personal kingdom, that I had built to protect not only myself, but others.
It was going to take a double portion of faith to cause those walls to crumble.
And God promised that a He would be by my side every step of the way.
Instead of kicking down the walls in one fell swoop, we would dismantle the structure brick by brick, building my faith.
So far, I've been able to take a few food categories off of the list.
Last night's food was cheese. The last time I had eaten cheese was in 2018, and the first time I experienced anaphylaxis. It was one of the foods in the slice of pizza I had eaten, so it was on the "never again" list, along with all other dairy.
Last night, I ate it and felt nothing. Not a tingle, not a twinge. Not a hive, nor a throat closing.
So I had more with my breakfast. Still nothing. Not a stomach ache, not gassy, nothing.
I have experienced complete restoration in how my body processes fruit as well. I feel the exact same way I felt before 2012 when I would eat fruit. Healthy and energized. Not slow, not sluggish, not the inability to think straight.
I am not sure when we'll get to gluten, or nuts, or spices...but I am certain that God will prepare me.
Of this, I have no doubt.
"Soon you will put away the things of Winter."
Not living in fear has really helped me to feel lighter.
All of that "You're carrying more than you know right now," has revealed itself in clarity and care.
Breaking the chains of cyclic shopping and busting down the walls of chronic illness has really left me with a surprising amount of margin in my weeks.
I had no idea how much mental energy was wrapped up in both of those things, but I know that I am pleased to have it back.
Putting away the things of Winter sounds refreshing.
The Spring closet swap out is one of my favorite things to do all year.
Exchanging chunky knit sweaters for the light and drapey fabrics of Spring is always an energizing day.
It reminds me so much of elegance and grace. Vases filled with those pinky peach roses and limelight hydrangeas.
A candle lit.
A cup of mint tea.
A slow, warm morning reading my Bible on a blanket in the yard while watching my little girl swing on the swing set in our yard.
Twirling in a field of flowers at golden hour.
I knew it would feel different this year, because I didn't have bucket loads of totes to swap from. My stash was gone!
Then one night after both Chad and Daisy had gone to bed, I was up and running the analytics on social media and planning out what the next few weeks would look like for my clients and our businesses.
Then, through a sponsored ad, I saw it.
A beautifully photographed Spring capsule wardrobe.
I clicked on it.
It was beautiful and matched up with this new vision of a lighter Spring that God had been showing me.
But with more life.
What I found seemed too good to be true.
It was a perfect match from about 8 angles.
It wasn't just a capsule wardrobe, it was the answer to how I could help other women feel the freedom and beauty that I have experienced over the last few months.
It was too good. So I decided to guard myself thinking that it could be bait from the enemy to take me down a path to living outside of God's will.
The next morning, I decided to not bring it up in my time with God. I wasn't going to waste a precious moment going in the wrong direction or give it any life.
If it's in His plan, He will let me know.
As I grabbed my journal and pen, and sat down to chat it was silent.
I took a moment to pause, and then He told me exactly how the things of Winter would be put away.
He then told me how the founder of this new clothing company was also a daughter of His. He reminded me of different things He'd asked me to do over the course of several years and showed me how they were in direct parallel of what He was asking of her.
By the time that He was finished that morning, I understood a great truth. That we, as women, were meant to walk this road together as daughters of the King.
That the Spirit within us recognizes the Spirit within others, and that it bonds us together to cover more ground.
More Kingdom ground.
To say that I am excited, is an understatement.
For years I have been working behind-the-scenes, off and on, putting together a clothing line that a could help all women feel beautiful through personal and group styling sessions.
The night of the closet sale, I mentioned that a dream had been rebirthed... This was the dream.
So I had jumped back into research of private labeling to created a house brand, looked into storefront space for appointments, and many other things in preparation to start designing pieces.
It's crazy to think that God was watching all of this, knowing the answers were already there.
It's like when you plan a surprise for your child. You want to tell them that they are going to Great Wolf Lodge, but you just can't...until the proper moment.
Otherwise, the impact wouldn't be there! The Wow! moment could get lost in the shuffle of everything else.
" You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."
"You've forgotten to dream and that your dreams are important. Your dreams reveal My heart."
He was right.
It's hard to dream of going places and doing things, when the effort that it takes to get there food wise is cumbersome and exhaustive.
Planning out each and every meal and packaging it in a way to make it last for a 3 day drip had become somewhat easy... but it still took a great deal of effort. Cooking for a full day before any excursion is a task.
The usual answer, not going at all.
But in a few weeks, I'll be traveling to LA for the launch of a new clothing line.
One that I can't wait to share with you.
And I'll be able to enjoy it, because I won't be consumed with worry about food, and being able to eat, and not ending up in a hospital.
God is also showing me how to spark dreams with my daughter and start talking about how God reveals His heart through our dreams.
If we dream about something, and get that Holy Spirit flutter, there is a reason.
To think that I had become so numb to dreaming and believing in dreams is devastating.
All I needed was the healing touch of God.
And it has changed everything.
Her experience of my healing has been a total faith game changer for her.
She's so excited to try new foods with me.
She's excited for me to be given the gift of healing.
And she knows that when you stand on God's Promises, that He will keep His word.
So this is a season of dreaming, and perspective change.
And a new lighter wardrobe to go with the warmth and healing in this new season of life.
I can't wait to share the new capsule wardrobe with you soon!
Dressed By God
Is my month by month account of God's goodness, promise, and provision.
God has been revealing so much and changing my perspective each day through this process, and I want to invite you in to this journey.
My hope is that by following along that you are inspired to lean into the sacred area of healing that God has planned for you. Even if it comes in a package that you hadn't anticipated.
Will you join me?