Am I Living With Poor Facial Relation?

checklist facial relation from the inside peace perceived value poor facial relation self image self talk selfies worth Sep 19, 2019

Am I Living With Poor Facial Relation?

I want to applaud you for taking the first step and meeting me here. I know that so many of you saw yourselves in my own story that I shared last week. I also know that there are many more individuals that desperately want to feel a sense of relief about the relationship they have with their face. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have physically felt pain when told by a client that they hate their face. HATE. That is such a strong and powerful word, and yet I know that it has been filtered through before it has even been shared with me. They thought this through time and time again before they dared to share it out loud in an appointment. It was probably rehearsed while driving in the car on the way to see me. “If I could just tell her how much I hate my face and the way I look, maybe she would understand and could help me?” You may be living that same scenario right now. For me, living with poor Facial Relation was not an emotional battle, it was an understood. Most individuals that have poor Facial Relation do not have that luxury. It is an emotional battle every single day that they are living through silently. Many became numb to it years ago. Up until now, they thought that they needed to have a particular set of features to release themselves from the hold of this disconnect, or this hate.

I am going to come at this from the best angle that I know how, by drawing from my years of experience as a respected Personal Branding Expert. Of the literally thousands of makeup trainings that I have conducted to establish a personal brand over my career, it has never been a practice to start in an initial training by telling someone all of the things that I think that they need to cover up for camera. I come into that appointment already knowing that they have been hearing what they need to cover up from agents, bosses, talent coaches, and every other person that has a financial tie to that person’s success. Do I think that these people are bad, absolutely not. In most cases they are equally passionate about helping these beautiful and talented people succeed. I know their hearts are in it too. They need to see their client win, and they know that the world is filled with people that may be judging them.

Because I specifically work with image, I come at this from a completely different angle. I don’t think they need to cover up, they have been covering up far too long. How can an audience truly relate to someone who is completely covered up? How do you connect with someone wearing a mask? Yes, you have a birthmark. Yes, you have a scar. Yes, you have dimples. SO DOES YOUR AUDIENCE! They need to know that you are real so that they can trust you. That is the best way for them to hear your message. This is the heart of the matter, right? We all have a need to be heard, a need to be seen. Allow your sphere of influence to see you and hear you. By no means am I saying trash all of your makeup and only go bare faced from now on. Much the opposite. I believe that makeup is a crucial tool for building an audience on or off camera. I believe makeup, and the way that it is applied can create a better communicative environment that will allow others to see you and hear you better. Covering up perceived imperfections and creating that communicative environment are two very different things in my world. Maybe I am just saying that we are all trying way too hard to cover up something on the surface, instead of fixing what is broken on the inside. Your worth does not come from Full Coverage Concealer!

Building a Personal Brand takes time. It has not, nor should it ever be an overnight thing. You miss out on several key components to building a healthy Personal Brand when you rush through the process too quickly. Once the house of your brand is built and has been established it is exponentially harder to take the foundation back out and replace it. The foundation of your Personal Brand is YOU. Let’s make sure that we are starting with a healthy foundation. Even if you are not looking to establish and market a personal brand, having a healthy relationship with your face is imperative for growth of any kind that you seek.

So how do you know if you are living with poor facial relation? Below are a few examples of the most prevalent indicators that I use when working with clients:  

Do you recognize yourself immediately when others post images of you to social media, or does it take even a split second for you to realize it is actually you?

Do you avoid looking at your face when looking in the mirror?

Do you find it somewhat painful to look in the mirror, or feel like there is an inner push to make you look away?

Do you avoid particular social situations or possible encounters when you are not wearing makeup?

Do you avoid particular social situation or possible encounters regardless of wearing makeup?

Do you rely heavily on the opinions and comments of others to feel a sense of self worth about your facial features?

Do you have a hidden or professed list of cosmetic surgeries that you are entertaining?

Do you try different ways to contour your face with makeup, but only focus on the areas that you perceive to be negative about your appearance?

Do you spend a significant amount of time thinking negatively about your facial features?

Do you spend a significant amount of time researching cosmetic surgeries and procedures that will alter your facial features?

Are you seeking attention from someone, and that has altered the way that you apply makeup?

Are you comfortable in your own skin?

Do you feel as though your face is blank or unrecognizable?

Do you find yourself hating your facial features? 

Do you wear heavy makeup trying to cover imperfections? 

Do you feel the need to spray tan, brighten, or otherwise alter the color of the skin that you were born with?

Do you stalk or monitor a specific social media account of someone you wished you looked like?

Do you make frequent selfie posts to social media with the use filters?

Do you check your makeup through a social media filter before deciding if you need to add or adjust your makeup?

Do you labor over the best angle for your selfie images?

Here is the hard part:  If you had a negative response to any of the above questions, or started down the path of justification for those responses, you are dealing with some form of Facial Relation.  This is one of the hardest concepts for my clients.  You don’t even know you are in the ocean until you are drowning.  It is easy to have a disconnect that has led to unhealthy Facial Relation in today’s world.  With comparison, and a constant berating of what an “acceptable” image is,  It is easy to get caught up in what we are “supposed” to be instead of who we were created to be.  It has become far too easy to edit photos and add filters to our own images to become “worthy”.  You are already worthy. There is hope.  Take heart knowing that most of my clients get passed poor Facial Relation and the hold that it can have on them.  I will also say a few never make it to the threshold of understanding that they have a disconnect that is holding them back. The disconnect is too strong and the hold it has on them is life-controlling.  They don’t want me, or anyone else to know how broken they have truly become as a result of the insecurity.  If you saw yourself in any of the identifying questions above, you are most likely dealing with poor Facial Relation.  Now that we know what we are dealing with we can work on healing together. I have been called an expert in this area for many years, but I was also dealing with unhealthy Facial Relation and did not even know the hold that it had on me. It was literally holding me back from reaching out to help you. I am excited to meet with you again next Thursday for some healing tools. I can not wait to help you build a healthy foundation!


Photography Credit Ed Stewart Photography


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